I don't even want to talk about what i ate today. Yesterday wasn't too bad. had to eat dinner on the run so grabbed a bacon double cheeseburger at Burger King, yes I know, I know....but I LIKE burgers. I got no pickles, light ketchup, and two bottoms of the buns. I did not have fries, I did not have a shake, I did not have a soda, I did not have a Hershey Sundae Pie. Just sprin water. So I did ok i think
Today was really bad, crackers, ice cream, potato chips... mac and cheese for dinner...and not like good homemade mac and cheese but the kraft kind. I realized looking around that i'm in a really bad depression atm. Not suicidal, but maybe not too far from it. i was doing ok, but then some stuff happened with 2 of my siblings within 24 hours of eachother, and while I was concerned I thought I was dealing with it ok. They are both ok, nothing life threatening I don;t think, but cause for concern. Kit's been really sick on top of that, and a sick baby means a sleep deprived and worried mommy. This may be the worst depression I've been in since i had Kit. Normally i can assess that i'm depressed and then find a way to pull myself out of it. This time I'm so depressed i don't even want to try and pull myself out of it. So I dunno what to do. I REALLY don't want to go back on my meds, but if i can't shake this soon i may have to. All I know is right now I want to just sit and cry. I don't want to do anything at all righ tnow. This sucks.
progress
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Depression = bad
Posted by Unknown at 8:17 PM
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1 comments:
((((Hugs))) I think it would be a good idea to go back on meds for a little bit. Are you seeing a therapist? It may be a good idea to speak to someone who specializes in the extreme highs and lows of bipolar disorder. It's very easy once you are in a low to let even little things pile up and drag you further into a funk. Try not to dwell. Fresh air and exercise a good natural ways to increase dopamine levels in the brain so try to do something that raises your heart rate for 30 minutes. Go for a brisk walk and just take in the fresh air. You could also try meditaion. There are a couple of mediations that I like when I'm really feeling bogged down. One is: Imagine you are sitting on the beach and the surf is slowly coming up to your feet, then back, then up to your knees, then back each time it comes up, it covers you more and each time the waters recede they take with them all the negative feelings and thoughts in your body and mind. Watch the waves carry them further and further out to sea...
OR You can sit high on a mountain covered in daisys. You are holding a red balloon that you are blowing up. With each exhalation you breathe your worries and anger and sadness into the balloon. Once the balloon is full you hold it out in front and only when you are ready, let it go. Watch as the balloon flys away higher and higher until you can't see it anymore...
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